Sunday, October 28, 2012

My Doubt His Belief

A million different thoughts.  We are faced with decisions in life where we ask why me.  I find myself wondering why I feel the Lord asks me to do the very thing I feel I am not designed to do.  I am a helper.  I am a caregiver.  I am a multitasker.  I am a handful of things in my own eyes.  I feel I know what I am called to and at the same time wonder if I've missed it.  But when I am faced with something completely out of my comfort zone, something I feel is better left for someone else more qualified, I this it?  Are You calling me, Lord, to fill in the gap that I don't feel even the slightest bit adequate to fill?  I will say it's not what I'm designed to do.  I will say You have made me for other things, not this.  I will squirm and fumble around and avoid this thing that I fear I will fall flat on my face trying to accomplish for You.  I can't.  I won't.  Oh but Lord I want to if it is for You.  Confusion and doubt come in like a flood during these times.  If I linger long enough they possibly could overwhelm me.  So I fight through.  I pray.  I wonder, why me?  Only You know the answers to those lingering questions.  The uncertainty of it all is what brings You glory.  Why did I never see this before? One little step of faith into the unknown is all it takes to move forward in His perfect will.  I want to be ok with the unknown.  I want to pray past all fear and rest.  Just rest in Him.  Old habits die hard.  I feel each new and completely different circumstance teaches me that same life lesson I have been learning all along this walk.  Trust Him.  Rely completely on Him.  Let go, and be obedient.  Oh but what will it look like? How will I prepare for something I don't know the outcome to?  I am just going to have to be ok with knowing He's got this and He will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  Oh that verse has new meaning tonight.  Tonight when I feel lost like the branch being tossed to and fro.  Tonight I have to just believe and step ahead.  Sometimes there is a calm and a peace from the Holy Spirit that just comes.  And other times I feel like I have to go to war with my flesh.  Everything in my spirit wants to align with His word but my flesh screams the opposite and the battle is on.  Where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.  I say these things in my mind as I go back and forth.  Reassuring.  Constant truth flooding me as doubt tries to seep in. 

*Remember to pause my player at the bottom of the screen if you would like to listen to this song=)

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